


Crash and Burn Down with Me

by wtvrai



Category: Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Drabble Collections, I'm washed by too many feels from their photoshoot, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Indie Vocalist!Sihyun, M/M, Photographer!Yongguk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-13 02:22:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11750073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wtvrai/pseuds/wtvrai
Summary: They destroyed themselves in the most beautiful way.(a.k.a Sihyun was too afraid to fall in love and Yongguk didn't know how to express his and I'm just making up stories as I find more pictures of them)





	1. It Wasn't Love

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: this entire work will be purely word vomits that I can't contain whenever I see Sihyun with longish black hair.

They were happy.

Maybe.

Beneath the toxic smoke and alcohols, they had something similar to love.

Similar, because it wasn’t love. No, it couldn’t have been love.

Shihyun hoped it wasn’t love.

Because Shihyun hated the word “love.” It sounded too trivial for him, too much of a cliché. Too many times had he heard that word in the radios. Too glorified, when in reality love wasn’t fun and games.

Theirs wasn’t love.

It was something similar to love for it made their heart beats faster. Similar in the way their breath stopped as they touch. Electric. Fun. And games. It was all a game. Not meant to last, not meant to be taken seriously. To be started by lighting the cigarette and washed off by Gin and Vodka.

Yongguk to Shihyun was song lyrics for an album kept in the corner of an old record shop, with no labels, barely anyone listening to it because it was a private story. No mentions of love because that’s not what they had, but they would rather have each other anyway than the rest of the rotten world.

Wasn’t that enough?

 

They were happy.

Maybe.

Beneath the toxic smoke and alcohols, they had something similar to love.

Similar, because it wasn’t love. No, it couldn’t have been love.

Yongguk was far too gone to call it love.

Because the “love” that Yongguk knew wasn’t enough to explain the explosives crumbling his wall whenever their eyes met. Wasn’t enough to explain the hundreds and thousands of pictures Yongguk took of Shihyun just because he was afraid the world would take him away someday. Wasn’t enough to explain the loud thumping in his chest when they held each other.

Shihyun was to Yongguk an old photograph, framed on his bedside table. Held dearly, constantly, through time. Nostalgic, and warm, and some kind of home.

Theirs wasn’t love.

At least, his wasn’t love.

It was something a little bit more than that.

 

They didn't match each other in the most beautiful way.

For one liked the jolt, the excitement, the pleasure and the other liked the dull pain, the warmth, the imperfections.

They were already on their way to self-destruct, but the road was pretty with pretty words and pretty lies and pretty tears.

And if you ask them now, when everything has burned down to ashes, they will do it all over again.

Because they were happy.

Maybe.


	2. They Met

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe Shihyun actually has a tattoo.

_They met when they were young. When Yongguk was barely an adult and when Shihyun was never meant to go anywhere near Vodka._

Yongguk frequently skipped his adult responsibility and Shihyun drank anyway.

 

_They met when they were, as any other person were, dumb. And careless. And afraid of growing up._

They made countless bad decisions. Like drinking bottles of whiskey on Monday morning or throwing up on the side of the street or deciding to stay with each other.

 

_They met and they fell into something akin to love._

They will never call it love, even today, even when everything has passed as a bitter, addicting, memory.

 

_They met and trust each other with their lives, but never with their heart._

Yongguk was a photographer. Shihyun was a vocalist for a nameless band. Neither of them knew about tattoos. But they had inks, and needles, and shady articles from the internet about how to do homemade tattoo. There were stupid blood and stupid pain and stupid screams and it could have gone very, very, wrong. But they had matching tattoos on the inside of their arms and they trusted each other like that.

Then their gazes met and their heart felt both the dull pain and electric jolt and they pushed it away with five packs of cigarettes because they didn’t trust each other like that.

_They met and barely went through the passage of time._

Shihyun wanted another tattoo. Right before his 20th birthday. To calm his frantic heart already lost to the feeling of fear over growing up. To bring a piece of youth with him forever. A drunken dare in the midst of cannabis smoke made Shihyun get whatever tattoo Yongguk wanted.

Yongguk wanted a tattoo on Shihyun’s pelvic bone. Shihyun asked why. Yongguk answered it’s because Yongguk would be the only one who sees it. Shihyun scoffed, but agreed anyway.

 _Luce sicut stellae_.

Shihyun giggled because he was high and it was cheesy. Latin words that he knew nothing about and it sounded like teenage girls’ blog posts but Yongguk smiled and ran his fingers through Shihyun’s hair and Shihyun could never say no.

“ _You searched latin quotes in google and came up with that didn’t you?_ ”

Yongguk laughed because he did. But Shihyun would never understand the dull thumping he felt when he stumbled across the quote with his hazy mind.

_Shine brightly like a star._

Yongguk could never say it. Never managed to say it. But he meant every word.

Yongguk was far too high on smoke, far too drunk on alcohol, and far too gone on his feelings for him to deny that he put Shihyun on a pedestal.

Shihyun was jaded on the edges. Tough, because his life forced him to. Wild, because that’s the only way of life he knew.

But Yongguk knew more. Shihyun was sweet. Literally as his lips could take Yongguk higher than any drugs ever could. Figuratively as Shihyun loved wild flowers, and cats, and the smell of rain, and blue skies. Shihyun smiled like he was the most content human on earth even when Yongguk knew he wasn’t. Shihyun laughed melodically, everytime they did something stupid, when they were talking nonsense. Shihyun was bright. Too bright. Yongguk was blinded by him in every sense.

He looked at Shihyun giggling in the midst of smoke and he knew he meant it. He meant every single word.

 

_They met and they were afraid of time._

They passed days together. And months. And years. And years. And years.

 

_They met, but they were never meant to last._

Their hearts were never meant to melt together. Shihyun was too afraid and Yongguk was too clumsy, they barely managed pushing through with black and blue over their mind and body, but time passed and Shihyun stayed afraid and Yongguk grew tired.

Their life was never meant to be one.

Shihyun was a lost boy stuck in his own neverland and Yongguk couldn’t afford being his peterpan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you this work will entirely be a word vomit. Look at this mess.


End file.
